We’re always talking about children and their milestones — the next big steps, the exciting new chapters. But what we rarely talk about is how, as parents, we’re supposed to navigate every one of those steps right alongside them; how we are supposed to do “Parenting without a guidebook”. After nearly 30 years in childcare, you’d think I’d be a pro at this by now. Yet, when it comes to my own children, I’m still amazed by how uncertain I can feel.

Take my boy, for instance. My teenage son — my baby boy — has left school and started college, setting out on his own path. And as proud as I am, it’s hard not to feel a wave of fear. In those quiet hours, I lie awake, wondering if this constant, gnawing anxiety will ever fade. Every part of me wants to hold on tight, to keep him safe, to shield him from everything I know could go wrong. I want to believe he’ll make the right choices, that he’ll remember everything I’ve tried so hard to teach him. But now, those choices are his to make.

Will he remember not to speed when he’s driving? Will he look both ways, not just stare at his phone when he crosses the road? Will he walk away from a fight instead of risking where it could lead? Will he choke on his vomit from a party he’s been to? The list feels endless and, most of the time, completely irrational! Am I overthinking this? Do other parents feel this way? Am I too protective? Shouldn’t I be happy that he’s finding his independence? Part of me wonders if I’m that neurotic mother I swore I’d never be.

This time feels like no man’s land. He’s not a child, he’s not an adult. It’s this kind of limbo land where he is too old for the park yet too young for the pub. What are they to do? Where are they to go?

Did I do everything right? I think I tried my best. There were days I was stretched thin, overwhelmed by life, and too caught up in my own struggles. Did I listen enough, talk enough, show him enough of the world? I know I loved him enough. But even then, how do I keep my own worries from becoming his burdens? All of these questions rush through my mind, one after another.

On the outside, I’m the picture of pride and excitement, cheering him on as he steps into this new chapter. But inside, my heart aches with that quiet, relentless love only a parent knows. It’s not about control or holding him back. It’s love so deep it’s almost painful, paired with the bittersweet realisation that I have to start the journey of letting him go, to trust that he’ll find his way.

I lost my mum when I was six months pregnant with him. What I wouldn’t give to ask her how she managed these moments, how she found the strength to let go. Where’s the manual for this? How do any of us know if we’re getting it right? All I can do is follow my heart and trust that, if I lead with love, he’ll find his way safely.

When all is said and done, despite the endless worries and moments of self-doubt, I know deep down I must have done something right. I feel so lucky to have such a close, loving relationship with my son. Mutual respect has been at the core of it all; it’s what’s allowed us to be open and honest with each other. My biggest hope is that he’ll always know he can come to me with anything, no matter what he’s facing, and feel safe from judgment — only wrapped in love and understanding. That trust between us is something I treasure beyond words.

We all need guidance on this journey, but there’s no manual for raising a child. We figure it out as we go, guided by love, patience, and hope.

 #parentingjourney #familymilestones #parenthoodinsights #raisingteens #lettingGo